People Who don’t Drink Coffee
Posted by on Aug 19th 2016
It may not seem possible, but there are actually people out there in the world who don’t drink coffee. It’s irrational, self-destructive, and downright unpatriotic, but nonetheless people manage to survive without pounding a cup of java every morning.
What type of depraved monster is it that doesn’t drink coffee, you ask? Well, you may be shocked to learn that some of them walk among us. They can be doctors, teachers, or even the friendly employee who bags your groceries. While there may be no obvious physical indication of a person’s caffeine-free lifestyle, there are certain social cues that may reveal a non-consumer for the discerning observer.
If you want to avoid a potentially dangerous interaction with someone who doesn’t drink coffee, read on and discover the telltale signs.
They are anti-industrialists.
It’s no secret that coffee is good for the economy. The coffee industry creates jobs in agriculture, manufacturing, distribution and even retail. Lord knows that without baristas, many cities in the world would have a lot of unemployed teenagers. But, the coffee industry really is about more than an opportunity at a summer job for a gangly Twilight reader. Coffee is a product that stimulates economies and supports communities worldwide.
So the only logical conclusion is that people who don’t drink coffee are secretly plotting to take us back to the dark ages. Okay, maybe that’s a bit hyperbolic, but recent research shows that people actually have a resistance to certain innovations, and coffee has not been safe from this phenomenon.
They are purveyors of sadness with no vices.
Coffee makes people happy. We’ve all seen someone’s eyes light up in the morning when offered a free cup, and there are few things more satisfying than breathing in the hot steam and refreshing aroma of a freshly-brewed batch of coffee when the hangover is impossible to ignore.
And yet, there are still those naysayers who put coffee down under the guise of living a healthy lifestyle. These are the people who are always ready with an out-of-context statistic or quote to prove how bad coffee is for you. Of course, it’s not recommended that you drink coffee all day, every day, but the fact of the matter is that consumption of anything should be done in moderation. So people who tell you not to drink coffee because it’s habit-forming better not indulge in alcohol, shopping, gambling, watching TV, or eating in general, because if not practiced in moderation, all of these things can have a serious impact on health.
Furthermore, studies have shown that in some instances, coffee can actually have a positive impact on your health. So, as long as your doctor approves, drink away!
They are sometimes Tom Brady.
Tom Brady recently shocked the world with the diet regimen that he and wife Gisele Bundchen share. Apparently 80 percent of what these two prototypical human beings eat is raw vegetables, which makes sense given their roles as a professional athlete and supermodel. What’s really shocking, however, is that Tom Brady has never even tried coffee!
Or is it?
Brady is beloved by New England sports fans for the championships he has brought to the region with the New England Patriots. But outside of the New England fan base, Brady could be considered one of the most hated successful quarterbacks of all time. Football fans, either out of jealousy, spite, or pure contempt, don’t hesitate to express their disdain for the athlete when given the opportunity. Could it be that these “haters” actually sense that Brady doesn’t drink coffee, and that this fact sets off a sort of sixth sense warning them of danger?
Whether you do it for the economy, for pleasure, or because you’re not Tom Brady, we know that many of you do, in fact, drink coffee. And we thank you for it! But we want to make sure that the coffee you drink is the highest quality coffee possible, and with that in mind, it’s important to make sure that the production process is sacred.
We take good care of our beans, so that our beans can take good care of you! Shop online and order a bag of our signature coffee beans to have them brought right to your door!